New years resolution...

"Don't feel guilty for things you didn't even do, and if you did mistakes just move on, people forgive and they also make mistakes"

please 2012 be good to me?

Apparently

life is always ups and downs, you can't just be in the middle
or you're enjoying it to the fullest
or you're depressed and feel down for many reasons.

fuck that shit.

Patient.

Some people are sensitive, others are strong, some people need help, others just need a good friend.
I'm at this point that I don't know what to do, I'm tired of hearing that I don't know anything, that I'm just a kid and that I should shut the fuck up, I mean seriously?
I'm 20 for Christ sake and I'm surely not stupid, I KNOW what the fuck is going on and I know when I'm wrong... but you should know when you're wrong too... you're not a rational person and that bugs me because I can't with irrational people... I just can't.
I get worried I don't sleep well and no one gives a fuck.
no really, you don't give a fuck.
you should probably weigh up your words and think it twice before saying something hurtful.

Annoyed.

Im not quite sure if they're just trying to hard to help me or they really feel that way about me.

I mean let's be honest... everyone thinks Im a mess, that I can't do anything on my own, that everytime I say I'll do something its just words and not acts.
It just bugs me the fact that everyone feels free to judge me because I dropped out from what I was studying... I didn't like it that's all, it doesn't mean I won't keep studying.

Im gonna fucking show everyone they're wrong about me, that they think they know me but they have no idea. Im gonna do things for myself and feel better as a person, this year has helped me with that, I've grown so much, I've seen so much, I've learned so much that I feel ready to the next step and start doing things for myself.

xx

I know

but I just miss you more than ever
I'm scared
Yes...
scared of letting you all alone
you know,
people who stay alone for too long
think too much
and over thinking is bad
everything in excess is bad.

I just wish this ends soon
please?

I miss you.

I really do.

So I'm finally turning 20.

It's sad not to have my mom by my side
and my dad's on a travel, he should be here I know
even some might think I'm such a cry baby, I'm not...
it's just that family means everything to me, it always meant
and when it fell apart I felt horrible
like everything was a lie.

Now I try my hardest to keep forward and be someone in life
be able to pay my own stuff and be a professional
just to make my parents proud, and my bro and my family
in general.
Of course sometimes I break and I'm always running from everything
always putting a shell to stay strong.

There's where I wish everything was like before... those years.

Oh well, it's already midnight and I'm already 20.
Gnite.